On the Set of The Good Person of Sharkville

IC Name: Ishmael Joined: 1 Nov 1999 Last visit: 47 minutes ago Sex/gender: Male Location: South Peckham, UK Age: 48 Website: www.the-firm.org

Very much in love with Rosalee, for all sorts of reasons. Working in the West End.

I suppose I ought to mention first - to try to dissuade charges of negativity - that there's lots of stuff I like - I love cats, London, Shakespeare, haggis, Dr Who (until Matt Smith appeared), my job, making stuff with wood, the Thames, and that I've just started boxing training again, and I like that a lot too. I love the Isle of Man, and the smell of black powder in the morning.

I like making movies, canals, forests, steam railways, stilton, and real ale.

But...

There is no apostrophe in a plural. The word for a number of people that masturbate, for instance is 'wankers' not 'wanker's'. 'Wanker's' implies that the wanker posesses something, and has to be attended by the word for the thing posessed, like 'cramp' to wit 'wanker's cramp'. 'Wanker's' can also mean 'wanker is' as in the case of 'that wanker's looking bloody stupid on acount of his piss poor punctuation'.

I have been doing this for 25 years, and I'm fast coming to the conclusion that Victor Meldrew was a model of moderation and tolerance. When I started all this was called SM, there weren't any munches and the police were still after us. Great days, not least because I was young, and I hadn't found out how many things about The Scene annoy me, not least the ephemeral nature of physical beauty.

People were full of questions then like 'Am I really dominant?', 'What's the right way to give a spanking?', 'How should I address my mistress?', and even then the answer seemed bloody obvious 'Do whatever feels good! It's only sex for goodness sake!', and I looked forward to the day of Enlightenment, when this great and bleedin' obvious Truth would be known to all, but it still hasn't happened - a quarter century later I'm still hearing the same stuff. It's like the same bloody conversation has been on a repeat loop for 25 years.

I really dislike the self-aggrandizing practice of capitalising words like Me and Mine. Even Barak Obama and the Pope admit sufficient humility to use lower case, so why the hell the ability to give jets to someone's orgasms by whipping them should make someone so goddam important is completely beyond me, it's not as if you're bringing about world peace or curing cancer. All the rest is just shouting 'Look at me, I'm important' because you reckon yourself a better than average lay.

I guess the thing is, I've never been in a relationship with anyone that would do the capital letter thing, so whoever has memoed me that has done it has been kinda assuming my acceptance of their little power game quite without my consent, and acceptance is on the way to compliance. I'd have said something, but I was brought up not to.

I've never appreciated the 'I am a Goddess' thing either; I've never met anyone that really acquired omnipotence or omnisienece by putting on a pair of big boots and picking up a whip. Sorry, if you can't part the Red Sea or talk out of a burning bush, you're just as mortal as the rest of us. Even Helen of Troy didn't try to pretend that she was on a par with Aphrodite, Artemis, Diana and the rest of the gang up there on Olympus, because (ship-launchingly gorgeous though she was) she was quite sensible enough to know that hubris attracts Nemesis like flies to jam doughnuts, and anyway, it's vulgar.

(I blame male subs; if so many of them didn't start with the 'We're not worthy! We're not worthy!' shit with every woman that's got sufficient confidence and gumption to dish out a good hiding, the perspective index of The Scene might be a bit more psychologically healthy)

I've no interest at all in D/s, and I think that we're in danger of allowing that which seems (to me anyway) quite loopy behaviour to become the desired state to which we are all being invited to aspire - akin to the status previously ascribed to really regular churchgoers with their names on the flowers rota, who read the lesson, served as sidesmen and embroidered kneelers. SM (or that watery American version, BDSM) is kinky sex not religion, and you don't get any better at it by being unable to leave your bedroom persona where it belongs. It certainly doesn't get you to Heaven, so don't come the Grand Pooh Bah to me in the Co-op - or Katisha - especially if I know your name to be Trevor (in both cases).

All of the technique and engineering stuff aside, the qualities that make you good at this are good manners and enthusiasm, with a side order of compassion and empathy; being really sadistic or ultra absorbant or very pretty with a bullwhip are great, but if you aren't deep down nice, nice people probably won't like you, not clever ones anyway, certainly not for long. Simple really.

I've added a word to the English Language - it's not much of an acheivement, because there are millions of words, but I am proud of it - Dominatrix Toxaemia; if you ever hear that in conversation, I made that up - me - I gave that to English, along with Non Factotive Melancholia and Egocentrica Dominosis, just to show I'm not sexist or anything, but that's another thing I really can't stick, people that behave like twats (and so probably are twats) in order to display their dominance. Who, I ask you, wants to be dominated by a twat? Some submissive people just aren't fussy enough, that's my experience.

(The spectacle of a rubinesque woman doing the big-eyed simper and 'I'll have to ask my Dom' - by whom she means the graceless, mannerless bore and boor in the ageing leather waistcoat is one no good Christian should have to bear)

I was an activist in the 90s and I sued the police to get my stuff back, when it was nabbed as 'evidence' in the Whiplash Raid of October 12th 1994. That was the last big attempt by the law to chase us all back into the closet, and probably a contributing factor to the freedoms we all take for granted today, so if I seem to get a little terse sometimes when people on websites start pontificating about what the rules and mores of The Scene should be (ie how they think such rules ought to change), it's generally because I can't remember them being on The Scene much before 1996, and I wonder who the hell has told them they've got the wisdom or the right. I know it's the Scene equivalent of expecting assertions like 'my father lost a leg at Galipolli' to see off dissention, but one of the features of age is discovering why old people do that.

People that *pretend* they've been on The Scene since Jesus was a little boy, just in order to seem wise and authorotative, enjoy a very special place in my distaste - especially when they're not very good at it. (You can imagine what I think when I overhear the same people using my name in order to embelish the charade).

Kinky stuff that's not covered in the ticky boxes; gloves (including boxing gloves), boots (including DMs).

I have a seperate profile for The_Firm.

Eye colour: hazel   Hair colour: brown   Height: 6ft   Weight: 14st   BMI: 26.4  

This profile was last updated on 6 Feb 12, 4:15 PM.

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