O hai. I have produced for your viewing pleasure a page of lists.

Not a bulleted list about me, but a list nonetheless:

I like to write stuff, and occasionally post orchestrated thoughts here: http://obliterarti.wordpress.com/

I'm gobby, rude and I'll take the piss out of you, so if you can't laugh at yourself, then I will. Profusely. I'd like to reiterate the above point. Domly egos can be left at the door. Or I'll hammer a Hells-sized dent in it.

I'm a crap sub. Submissive probably isn't even the correct word. Something along those lines though.

I drink, smoke and swear. Because it's both cool and clever.

I'm a sarcastic cynic, and I very probably don't like you, but hey, prove me wrong.

I like piercings and body mods, and am interested in talking to anyone about anything related, as long as it's not a one liner to tell me you have your knob pierced. Well done on that. Show it to someone else please.

I'm a seemingly perpetual student as a means to an end. All jokes in regards to being a soap dodger/scrounging tax-payers money/eating beans will swiftly be directed towards the mystical Door of Unfunny.

I live my life in an almost perpetual state of lust. Minor things satisfying my lust this month include: figs, Piers Morgan and having my heating on all the time.

A list to say you should get in contact if:

• You have a sick sense of humour. Being one of those guys who "you just can't stop after a few pints" doesn't count
• You are intelligent. Getting 130 in an IQ test you found on teh internets also doesn't count here
• You are a Daddy who knows how to treat his little girl right
• You are somewhere between 25 and 40
• You can construct an accurate sentence that doesn't end in lol
• You are not averse to needles, scalpels and blood
• ...or gas masks...or asphyxiation...or rapey goodness
• You understand that I am a strong, outspoken, independant woman who enjoys a bit of the old ultraviolence
• You are honest (5ft 9 means 5ft 9. Not 5ft 7)
• Since we're on the height thing, being over 5ft 9 is a bonus
• You just fancy a chat or a giggle
• You actually experience life instead of letting it pass you by

• You describe yourself as one of the following: crazy, bonkers, wacky, zany, completely mental
• You're geriatric
• You constantly quote Nietzsche. It does not make you look clever. It makes you look like a twat who has never read any Nietzsche
• You want a waif
• You want a wife
• You have a wife
• You use excessive exclamation marks!!!!!11!!!eleventy!
• You are on the rebound
• You expect to be called LordSirMasterKingWolfsbane4u_69
• You look like you've just stepped off the internet
• You have teeth like a bag of smashed crabs
• You play stupid mind games
• You have a soap aversion and leave toothbrushes for special occasions only
• You love yourself. DO NOT WANT
• You put 'unnecessary things' in 'inverted commas' all the 'time'
• You list Dan Brown in your favourite authors
• You have the emotional capacity of a heavily salted slug

And thus endeth my lists.

ETA: I'm not overly happy with my listy profile. But I'll let it stay a while til I can be dicked to change it.

Interests

Fapping