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IC : Profiles : Hells_Bells

  network (91)    weblog (31)    pictures (5)  
  posts (842)  

Profile name:Hells_Bells
Profile created on:30 Mar 2005
Last visit:19 hours ago
Country:UK
UK postal area:S (Sheffield)
Sex/gender:female
Age:23
Weight:12st 9lb
Height:5ft 9in
BMI:25.9
Ad title:That's Numberwang!
Ad updated:29 days ago

(Dishevelled)
Sadist wanted to do my DIY, make me cups of tea when I can't be bothered, and for meaningless sex with beatings.

O hai. I have produced for your viewing pleasure a page of lists.

Not a bulleted list about me, but a list nonetheless:

I like to write stuff, and occasionally post orchestrated thoughts here: http://obliterarti.wordpress.com/

I'm gobby, rude and I'll take the piss out of you, so if you can't laugh at yourself, then I will. Profusely. I'd like to reiterate the above point. Domly egos can be left at the door. Or I'll hammer a Hells-sized dent in it.

I'm a crap sub. Submissive probably isn't even the correct word. Something along those lines though.

I drink, smoke and swear. Because it's both cool and clever.

I'm a sarcastic cynic, and I very probably don't like you, but hey, prove me wrong.

I like piercings and body mods, and am interested in talking to anyone about anything related, as long as it's not a one liner to tell me you have your knob pierced. Well done on that. Show it to someone else please.

I'm a seemingly perpetual student as a means to an end. All jokes in regards to being a soap dodger/scrounging tax-payers money/eating beans will swiftly be directed towards the mystical Door of Unfunny.

I live my life in an almost perpetual state of lust. Minor things satisfying my lust this month include: figs, Piers Morgan and having my heating on all the time.

A list to say you should get in contact if:

  • You have a sick sense of humour. Being one of those guys who "you just can't stop after a few pints" doesn't count
  • You are intelligent. Getting 130 in an IQ test you found on teh internets also doesn't count here
  • You are a Daddy who knows how to treat his little girl right
  • You are somewhere between 25 and 40
  • You can construct an accurate sentence that doesn't end in lol
  • You are not averse to needles, scalpels and blood
  • ...or gas masks...or asphyxiation...or rapey goodness
  • You understand that I am a strong, outspoken, independant woman who enjoys a bit of the old ultraviolence
  • You are honest (5ft 9 means 5ft 9. Not 5ft 7)
  • Since we're on the height thing, being over 5ft 9 is a bonus
  • You just fancy a chat or a giggle
  • You actually experience life instead of letting it pass you by

A list to explain you should probably not bother if:

  • You describe yourself as one of the following: crazy, bonkers, wacky, zany, completely mental
  • You're geriatric
  • You constantly quote Nietzsche. It does not make you look clever. It makes you look like a twat who has never read any Nietzsche
  • You want a waif
  • You want a wife
  • You have a wife
  • You use excessive exclamation marks!!!!!11!!!eleventy!
  • You are on the rebound
  • You expect to be called LordSirMasterKingWolfsbane4u_69
  • You look like you've just stepped off the internet
  • You have teeth like a bag of smashed crabs
  • You play stupid mind games
  • You have a soap aversion and leave toothbrushes for special occasions only
  • You love yourself. DO NOT WANT
  • You put 'unnecessary things' in 'inverted commas' all the 'time'
  • You list Dan Brown in your favourite authors
  • You have the emotional capacity of a heavily salted slug

And thus endeth my lists.

ETA: I'm not overly happy with my listy profile. But I'll let it stay a while til I can be dicked to change it.

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