Backlash

“The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.” - Robert Frost

"The difference between a truly dominant man and a controlling one is that the dominant man needs and wants consent, whereas the controlling man doesn't even understand what this word means." - Frank Nelson

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Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Let me start with the boring stuff ..... I was originally born in London but have been working my way north via Luton and Milton Keynes to now end up in Birmingham. I am 5' 6" tall .. 38D, 26, 36 with long dark brown hair ( with the occasional grey showing inbetweeen dying session) and blue eyes. By "profession" I am a Business/Systems Analyst but have now forsaken the stress of the "rat race" and earn my living from various "fetish activities" and being PA to a car brokerage and accountant.

Now on to the interesting bits .... I am in a long term D/s relationship and I class myself as submissive. (Unless you try and steal my chocolate lol). I supose you could call me "active" in so much as I am totally open about my lifestlye and frequent many and various clubs and events. My face and other bits have appeared on stages up and down the country, various promotional publications for events and clubs and also several BDSM films. So life at the moment is busy busy busy.

In the many years of my adult life I have loved and laughed .... lost and cried. I have had the most fantastic high points yet have also tasted the worst depths of despair. I am not without mental and physical scaring ... yet I also carry treasured memories with no regrets. I am complex and unique .... at times impossible to understand yet just the right word or look brings me to my knees .... I have more emotional defences than fort knox but those I love are met with open arms. I offer no explanation or excuses for how I am ... I do not look for understanding or judgement .... I am what I am.

'Nilla Likes ... Chocolate .... Thunderstorms .... Candels .... Pooh-Bear .... Snowball fights .... Night Time .... Chocolate .... Silence .... Splashing in Puddles .... Pooh-Bear .... Cuddles .... Standing in the Rain .... Being Alone .... Music for my mood .... Depeche Mode ... Pooh-Bear .... Time with Friends .... Laughter .... Trust .... Food Fights .... Softness .... Bubbles .... Morning bird song .... freshly cut grass .... Chocolate .... Innocence .... Autumn .... Cuteness .... Darkness .... The Sea-side .... Pooh-Bear .... G.I.R (Doom doom doomey doom)

'Nilla Dislikes ...Spiders .... Brightness .... Crowds .... Lies .... Car drivers that wear hats .... Spiders .... Burger King .... Abuse .... Shopping .... An empty bed .... Being Alone .... Back Stabbing .... Spiders .... Cut flowers that have died .... Waiting .... Confusion .... Hospitals .... Spiders .... Boredom .... Egos .... Feathers .... Deep Water .... Spiders .... Dirty Nappies .... Mess .... pot holes in roads .... Feeling useless .... Ignorance .... Spiders .... Country & Western music .... Low fat milk .... curry .... cows .... saying goodbye .... SPIDERS !!!!

D/s Likes ...Humiliation .... Objectification .... Cages .... Body Modification .... Piercing/cutting .... "Thuddy" .... NLP .... Mummification .... "Forced" Exhibitionism .... Medical .... Bondage .... Electrics .... Knives

D/s Dislikes ...Scat .... "Stingey" (Except Single tails lol) .... ermmmmm .... ummmmm .... Yep that is about it lol

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Some people pass through your life and leave. Some arrive and stay. Some become your life. The past has taught many lessons. One I know now is this ... some people are worth the sacrifice. Some people are worth the tears. Some people are simply worth it. Or should I say ...One person.

There is one such person in my life. A person I have laughed and cried with. A person I have loved and mourned for. A person who has entered my life and no matter what happens will never leave it. A person I said goodbye to but was unable to live without.

Often logic tells you what is "right" and the heart agrees. But when the heart and soul scream against logic they will never be silenced. You can try to ignore them but it is impossible. You can part company but will never be complete again. You can sleep alone but forever dread each night. You can try ... but will always fail to live without them.

There is one such person in my life. My Partner, My Lover, My Friend, My Hero, My Protector, My "Sir", My Soul Mate ....

My Dark Angel - Elohim

Dark Angel, with thine aching lust to rid the world of penitence. Malicious Angel, who still dost My soul such subtile violence!

Because of thee, no thought, no thing, Abides for me undesecrate: Dark Angel, ever on the wing, Who never reachest me too late!

When music sounds, then changest thou Its silvery to a sultry fire: Nor will thine envious heart allow delight untortured by desire.

Through thee, the gracious Muses turn, To Furies, O mine Enemy! And all the things of beauty burn with flames of evil ecstasy.

Because of thee, the land of dreams Becomes a gathering place of fears: Until tormented slumber seems one vehemence of useless tears.

When sunlight glows upon the flowers, Or ripples down the dancing sea: Thou, with thy troop of passionate powers, Beleaguerest, bewilderest, me.

Within the breath of autumn woods, within the winter silences: Thy venomous spirit stirs and broods, O Master of impieties!

The ardour of red flame is thine, And thine the steely soul of ice: Thou poisonest the fair design of nature, with unfair device.

Apples of ashes, golden bright; Waters of bitterness, how sweet! O banquet of a foul delight, Prepared by thee, dark Paraclete!

Thou art the whisper in the gloom, The hinting tone, the haunting laugh: Thou art the adorner of my tomb, The minstrel of mine epitaph.

Dark Angel, with thine aching lust! Of two defeats, of two despairs: Less dread, a change to drifting dust, Than thine eternity of cares.

Do what thou wilt, thou shalt so, Dark Angel! triumph over me: Lonely, unto the Lone I go; Divine, to the Divinity.

TSR number 087-018-636

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Light Your Candle<----- A beautiful idea

Ceasers <----- One of the places you will find me Friday nights

BBB <----- 3rd Sunday of a month

Shadowslaves <----- What I do in my spare time <ewg>

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And for all my "fans" ........ I'm going to sing the DOOM Song now ..... Doom doom doom doomey doom doom .... doom doomey doomey doom doom ... doom doom dooooom doomey doomey doooom ..... Doom doom doom doomey doom doom .... doom doomey doomey doom doom ... doom doom dooooom doomey doomey doooom ..... Doom doom doom doomey doom doom .... PAUSE .... doom doomey doomey doom doom ... doom doom dooooom doomey doomey doooom ..... The End !!

"I love-ed my piggy ... I LOVEEEEEEE-EEEED Him !!!! "

"I NEEEEEEEEEED Tacho's .... I Need them or I will explode ... That happens to me sometimes"

"I'm running, I'm running, whoohoooo! I'm running! Wheehehehe! I'm naked!"

"You goin to make biscuits ???? You going to make BISCUITS !!!!!?????"

"What is WRONG with these people? This place is just BEGGING to be destroyed!" -Zim "Woo! I like destroying!" -GIR

"Hello floor ... make me a sandwich"

"Cows are my frieeeeends..."

"Ohhhhhhh ... it likes me"

"I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a while. KAY? "

"Tell me a story about giant pigs! "

Zim ...... "You mean there is something around here that is broken and you didn't touch it ?" G.I.R .... "Yes I know .. I'm scared to"

Invader Zim (and G.I.R) !!!!!