Suspending @Katrina13 at Manchester Rope Jam 18/12/2011

IC Name: Cleric Joined: 5 Mar 2001 Last visit: 16 hours ago Sex/gender: Male Location: Bolton, UK Age: 32 Website: http://fetlife.com...

Why hello there. I see you're fucked up. At it happens, I'm a little bit fucked up myself.

I organise Manchester Rope Jam, Manchester's peer rope workshop. On a Sunday afternoon every other month in Taurus Bar, Canal St, Manchester. Next one is February 19th.

I am co-host of the Manchester Fab Munch, held on the fourth Saturday of every month in the Fab Cafe, Portland Street, central Manchester. I also co-host the Manchester Under 35s Munch, held on the third Saturday of every month in The Molly House, Richmond Street, central Manchester. If you are new and nervous, please memo a munch profile to arrange a meet & greet. We all had to go to our first munch once, and we will try to make you feel only half as nervous as we were.

This is a list-type profile. If you don't like lists, that's fine. Turn back now, and return to your hideously inefficient life. If you can remember where you left it.

Me, in a nutshell*

• Dom male, straight, sadistic. My domming style is a mixture of erotically cruel and completely fucking juvenile.
• Have been in and around the scene since I was 18. Regard myself as one of the youngest members of the Leather Waistcoat Brigade.
• Originally from Ireland. Used to live in Coventry, where I founded the Coventry Munch, now settled in the barbaric North since 2002.
• What you see is what you get. I don't try to be anyone else but me.
• I'm not perfect, but I'm trying.
• I come across as very quiet. This is because I listen more than I talk. If I'm not saying anything, that doesn't mean I don't like you, it means I find you interesting.
• I am very cynical, and I like it that way. It means I am always either completely right, or pleasantly surprised.
• For want of a better place to put it, my tongue resides firmly in my cheek most of the time.
• I like everyone until they give me a reason not to.
• Also known as The Guy Who Has Never Been To Lash. I'm not going, and you can't make me.
• Just to clear something up, I am not religious. People seem to assume that I am because I use the name Cleric. I use it because Equilibrium is one of my favourite films, among other reasons. And I'm pretty sure I have heard every Father Ted-related pisstake already, so save your breath unless you think it's REALLY original.

What I am looking for

Difficult one to answer, really. I'm not going to put some long prescribed list of exactly what you will be and what boxes you have to tick or you can fuck off. Mainly because the people who do that are some of the loneliest most frustrated people I know.

I'm single, so most of my playtime is spent with good friends at clubs, with the very occasional private session. For some reason when you tell people this, they assume you're some kind of BDSM James Bond, waking up in a different bed every morning. I'm not. I like to play, but I'm not a player.

Relationship-wise, I'm kind of starting from scratch with that at the moment. I have done poly, and am still 50/50 as to whether it's for me or not. I believe that a connection outside of BDSM is essential, I believe in complete honesty, especially about the stuff you don't want to talk about, and I believe in strong attraction at first sight. I also believe there is at least one other person in the scene who believes these things as well, and as long as I believe that I'll look forward to meeting them.

I guess as far as what I am looking for, I will know it when I find it.

Testimonies of my Über-Domliness

• "You're quite fluffy for a sadist"
• "Aww! You have big puppy-dog eyes!"
• "I'm having dinner with the shittest Dom ever"
• "You want to charge 10p a go? You really think you'll get that much?"
• "Have we started yet?"
• "You're quite cute, in an odd way"
• "Aw never mind, you can try harder next time" (Closely followed by a pat on the head)
• "You're even worse at this than I am!"
• "About as scary and terrifying as a teddy bear"
• "You? You couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding!"
• "You're a bit like a jelly baby, aren't you?"
• "It's like being dommed by a 5 year old!"
• "Lovely. A bit camp, but lovely."
• "You could pass for Tinky Winky!"

Kinky things that make me happy

• Rope
• Sadism
• Breath play, especially gas masks
• Dehumanisation and objectification
• Latex enclosure
• Electricity
• Public predicaments
• The sight of nice red marks on soft flesh, and knowing I put them there. Knowing I'm going to put more on there, and there's nothing they can do about it
• I am the proud inventor of the Pink Death. It is my ultimate Domly creation. Nothing I know is more horrible and cruel, nothing alters a submissive's behaviour more efficiently. It will change the face of Domming one day, mark my words. It's a game changer, much like the slam dunk in basketball. Unfortunately one cannot be told what the Pink Death is, one has to see it for ones self. Ask me for details, it's going to be a revolution.

Vanilla things that make me happy

• Good food - was that a subtle enough way of saying "I'm comfortable with being a bit of a chunker"?
• Making my own mind up about people and gaining lots of surprising friends as a result
• Seeing the country
• Wolverhampton Wanderers FC
• Sci Fi
• Models. No, the plastic kind. No, the non-living plastic kind. No, the non-living, plastic, were not alive beforehand, glue together kind. I like the idea of something being so much littler than it's supposed to be, it makes me tilt my head to one side and smile.
• As you may have guessed by now, being a geek. Yes, I will fix your PC for free if you sleep with me.
• Glee. Judge me as you will, I don't care.
• Jeremy Kyle. As above.
• Tim Minchin
• My two moggies, who I am domestic staff for. That said, if they weren't so cute I would have made a hat out of them by now.

Kinky things that make me sad

• People who like themselves too much. Looking good in a corset is not an excuse to be a fucking awful human being.
• Shallowness. Similarly, not looking good in a corset doesn't mean you aren't capable of being a nice genuine person.
• Scene gossip - really, in 12 months, who's going to give a shit?
• Know-alls. Yes, High Commander Swollenbollocks, your 87 years of experience in Shibari is very impressive. Now go and enjoy using it, instead of stopping other people from having fun using what they know.
• Doms who think that HAVING THE MOST BOOMING AND BOYSTROUS VOICE IN THE ROOM MAKES THEM THE MOST DOMLY ONE THERE
• Subs who agree with the above
• People who try to apply the Dom-sub dynamic to everyone they know. Call her a lowly worthless slut-slave all you want, until I have consent to do otherwise, I'll just call her Vicky. Unless her name isn't Vicky, of course, in which case - oh, you get the idea...
• People who measure their kinkyness by how much expensive equipment they own.
• Being interrupted mid-scene. One of the few things which threatens to make me lose my temper.

Vanilla things that make me sad

• The unwillingness of people to think for themselves.
• Text speak. Jst FO n di, k?
• Wolverhampton Wanderers FC. Yes, it's on the like list as well. If you follow them too, you'll understand.
• Good people having to wait for their reward, and arseholes having to wait for their comeuppance.
• The music charts being dominated by glorified game show winners, whose only talent is their ability to cry on camera for 5 straight months.
• People who can't look in the same direction as they are walking.
• The idea that 'fair' means getting what you want, rather than what you actually deserve.
• Eamonn Holmes. I don't know why, the sight of him just makes me violent.

Current list of candidates for the future Mrs Cleric

• Kate Beckinsale
• Kelly Brook
• Anne Hathaway
• Nigella Lawson
• Monica Bellucci
• Ronni Ancona
• Mistress Chloe. Domme or not, I would be on that like a tramp on a bag of chips.

Interviews to resume once the various restraining orders have expired.

*I just have to comment here, what the hell kind of term is 'in a nutshell' anyway? Who the fuck fits in a nutshell? Who thought that was a good and proper use of the English language? Let's see now - the shortest adult on record is Gul Mohammed of India, who stood 1 foot 10.5 inches tall. The largest nut in the World is the Coco De Mer seed, which grows to 14-15 inches long, at most. Now, I will admit at this point, that as these nuts are indigenous to the Seychelles, which isn't a million miles from India, it is possible that Mr Mohammed did at some point come across one, and have a go at climbing inside. But even if he did manage it, he would have been very uncomfortable. And it still wouldn't have made it a relevant saying for the other 6 billion of us. I think you'll agree that something like "me in a compacted, but suitably comfortable and relevant summarised form" would make a much better phrase for common conversation. So if we all contact the Campaign for Plain English with our grievances, maybe we can get this fixed.

Well done if you got this far. However I'm sorry to tell you that you just lost The Game.

Eye colour: Grey   Hair colour: Brown   Height: 5ft 10in  

This profile was last updated on 29 Dec 11, 12:57 AM.

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