I am looking for an 'alpha' male, a gentleman, to engage my mind first: thereafter all will follow; someone who is dominant as the expression of his nature in order to control me and to keep me in line with just a look or a word. He needs to enjoy the subtleties of D/s and not just like but need power exchange as well as any whips and chains he feels appropriate.

Ideally he will be someone who takes good care of his health and the condition of his body. He will have good manners, live well, be creative in his pursuits and financially sound.

I am a lifetime submissive, although very competent in career and family life. Whilst to family, friends and at work I may appear non-assertive, they would be unlikely to guess my sexuality, which must be private if I am to be used as I should be. I am quite choosy and have good enough judgment. I need to respect and be attracted to my dominant man, be sure he is interested in me as a career professional and divorced mother with sophisticated cultural tastes as well as in being his obedient, submissive possession. A novice dominant man might have difficulty in putting me in my place. A man with no qualms about how my type of woman should be used and experience in handling them is what I crave. I accept that he will view a woman's value in how she is used, but he will also be able extract value from me across the range of my personality, my whole being. My interests are wide - from psychology (my brother and father are psychiatrists) to religion (I'm a Catholic), from anthropology to history. I ski and sail. I think. I enjoy my home and garden. I like eating out and staying in. I enjoy my work too and my family.

I am cautious and careful and restrain myself from posting here any identifying details.

About me and submission

For me this is almost entirely in the mind. This makes the personality of the person who dominates me so very important. You have to understand me. You have to want to please me in the sense of wanting me to be happy pleasing you. We are both consenting to something and both in a sense giving to the other. I have to trust you enough, respect you enough, to do whatever you require and what that is is not my place to question. You have to be inside my mind to such an extent that you will not need a rope or a belt to restrain me. I would lie or kneel where you said instead simply because you'd directed me to.

The details of what I might physically want to do or not to do are neither here nor there and can be worked on. It is often how things are said or done rather than what is done which matters.

I have never had a relationship in which I have not been submissive. It is the only way I can be. I feel like people feel who were born gay. It's not a choice or something you learn to be. It is how I am. I know what I like, but it is not my place to suggest a checklist of physical actions. My essence is to please he to whom I submit and I should be granted no control. I like someone who can put some effort into things, preparations and plans and who is always considerate, trustworthy, polite, English even (no slur on Americans intended....)...except of course when exercising his rights in private, or more modulated rights in public (for example, I accept that he has the right to dictate every aspect of my dress and appearance and welcome that control). I need to feel cherished and protected. However, he must also be confident, firm when necessary and I accept that he has the right to and should take me further than I might think I want to go, such that my position is unequivocal. I am never awkward, difficult or brattish but I like to communicate how I feel and what I want. I like the feeling that my opinion is of value in forming his decisions even though I do not expect in most cases to be taking decisions myself.

Control is the one thing I seek and need. If you have no desire to control, in and out of bed, you are probably not for me. It is the getting inside of my mind which is the key to this and I am as interested in relationships such as those known as "takeninhand" as anything else. I am submissive, not a slave and I expect I would always want to continue my career, but it is some kind of power exchange relationship I seek and indeed inevitably end up in because I am programmed to be like that. It's etched in my DNA, wired into my being.

Being submissive is how I am, how I've been since as early as I can remember. No question. The most erotic thing there is.

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will. His pleasure. His Desires. His life. His work. His sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh God, as woman I want to be Dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own two feet, not to cling to all that I am capable of doing, but I am pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at His time, His Bidding...." - Anais Nin

"To be completely woman you need a master and in him, a compass for your life. You need a man you can look up to and respect. If you dethrone him, it is no wonder that you are discontented, and discontented women are not loved for long."

Marlene Dietrich

Profile updated March 2008