IC Name: Cinnabar Joined: 4 Oct 2005 Last visit: 68 days ago Sex/gender: Male Location: Northwest, UK Age: 45

[An ex member of the Chester Munch crew, which I warmly recommend anyone to visit. You would be most welcome to join us at our monthly relaxed evening of conversation with the likeminded over an excellent pint. See the Chestermunch profile for details]

May 2010 ... I need to write another update but been rather busy! So I will just have to leave it as a mess for now. Not moved forward much in this universe over the last year, too many other things going on. Maybe this summer that can change!

I have been dipping into and out of this otherly world for some time, am still travelling - though it is clear the end is further away than I imagined.

Looking for friends, fun, difference, wit, adventure, more eventually, co-voyagers for a journey across strange seas: I keep returning to marine metaphors whenever I try to put this into words. Though late starting I now think a bdsm component has to be part of my relationships. I have made some good online friends and cyber roleplay can be surprisingly intense, but I really have moved beyond that now. [Cyber chatrooms can also be unbelievably tedious!]

Thanks to this site, and yes the reviled alt.com, I have met some new and real people, or who are being real ... true to themselves ... some of the best friends I have ever had. A whole new world of empathy and understanding - after so many years of thinking I was ill, or faintly unhinged! Just a phase. Well it isn't.

I rewrite this pro regularly, but I am not happy with it. I used to think I was mostly Dominant, with switch tendencies. But, I seem to aspire to being a Dom, but lack the confidence to live it. It is so much easier to be borne away on a journey of submission, without the directive obligations of Domliness. I have submitted a few times only, and each was amazing and glorious, and I want more, and to give more. But there is still a dominant side, I watch others and WANT so much somehow to absorb the process, to control and direct, strip away the layers to that ultimate sense of emotional connection ... but so far the route to that seems easier by being the bottom, rather than the top. So I suppose I must identify as a switch. Or maybe I am in fact sub but incapable of admitting it? You tell me!

I enjoy the company of Dommes but often I feel myself competing with them, sparring, in a rather unsubby manner, but it depends. There are one or two people out there where that doesn't happen, whom I would go to the ends of the earth...

But with certain others, I seem to 'grow' in myself, and domly notions seem apt ... in either direction I feel empowered. I have a curious, hedonistic streak, a wanting to know by doing, and that too is easier to explore as a sub.

After munching and enjoying it, and meeting some good friends and others in passing who gave me pause for thought, I want to venture further. I still can't resolve it all into words, though I try. I am looking to explore with others, as friends. If the proverbial soulmate appears she will be welcome, but I cannot yet see her shape. Though elfin visions of unexpected sub/switch/dommeliness, kind/shy yet fey, open to magic and exploration, with a warm heart, step through my dreams, and occasionally cross my path in reality ...

I munch when I can at Chester and across the Northwest, and socialise at clubs too, just to see what is happening and talk to people. Decadence was good while it lasted, there is still a gap for a new scene night out which can match clubs in London like Subversion. Heresy and Heelz is brilliant, and I go when I can, now even better at their new home in Birmingham.

I know I want more ...... much more .... of this strange otherly magic, and that I can be good at this.

I am separated, after a long vanilla relationship, many years trying to square the circle there just did not work. No children, that was an emptiness but perhaps a blessing. We are still very good friends sharing much of our life, and so it will be for some time, but the last two years have made things a lot clearer, ended dishonesty and carved out space, and a possible new future, which I am glad of.

Artistic, I claim to be intelligent, sometimes shy when I least need to be, behind a professionally confident air. I enjoy words and difference. I like experimentation, veggie food, travel, mountains, wild places. Unusual light and weather, getting into photography. I love travel for its own sake, drinking in difference in the sense of place. I enjoy friendship, and counsel. I seem to be better at advising others than myself.

Music: means a lot for me. I am a latecomer to the magic of festivals too - Latitude was awesome again this year, Creamfields ok but less diverse, need to try Glasto. I have eclectic tastes: Indie, rock, electro and some metal and classical - Arcade Fire, Franz F, Pet Shop Boys, Sigur Ros, Smiths, Joy Division, Pulp, Bjork, Killers, Ting Tings, Long Blondes, Manic Street Preachers, Radiohead, Goldfrapp, Enigma, Faithless, Moby, Fat Boy Slim, Girls Aloud (yes!), Madonna, Kylie, MIA, Lily Allen, Streets, Messaien, Tavener, Prokofiev, Chopin - all stir in different ways. Art: I am good enough to appreciate and love it, but not quite to produce, though I used to paint and use graphics and colours carefully in my design work. I like modernism, as well as 19th century watercolours. The Tate Modern is straight out of Terry Gilliam but makes me feel glad to be alive whenever I visit.

Dislikes: Injustice, oppression, narrowness, wage slavery, Blair/Bushery, needless pollution, the effect depression can have on people you know and love. Inertia. Ridiculous new legislation to criminalise consensual imagery and cultural iconography.

Cinnabar: is the source of quicksilver, or mercury - the messenger of the Gods. Though it can produce vermilion, a pure colour, cinnabar crystals also refract light more effectively and purely than any other substance, including diamond. Light and metaphors for light are an abiding pre-occupation of mine. Cinnabar is also birefringent - it can in certain circumstances refract light into two beams, technically known as the ordinary and the extraordinary ... I aspire to that!

The name just seemed right to me, and I like it. I only found out later how well it fits my Virgo with Scorpio Ascendant personality! Communication and connection is all to me - very much Mercury, Virgo's ruling planet. And Cinnabar is sulphur of mercury - the fire I aspire to but lacking in my chart! I am fascinated by astrology, synastry and numerology ... as a respector of science I have no idea why it seems to work, but the resonances I keep finding are absolutely uncanny. If you don't believe me, give me your birth time and place and I will send you your full chart - nothing like the nonsense in the newspapers, and I defy you not to be shocked. It is not just random, there is truth there, heaven knows why!

This universe is unbelievably strange, and our time here brief. I want to know and grow as far and as fast as I can, journey with other woken souls, be trine to magic and self realisation.

Eye colour: green   Hair colour: brown   Height: 5ft 11in   Weight: 10st 5lb   BMI: 20.1  

This profile was last updated on 15 May 10, 2:05 PM.

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