Sort by first post . bethy4ever's profile
| 28 Nov 06 | assorted thunks | (28 Nov 06, 4:42 PM by bethy4ever) |
| hi so i had therapy this morning and we sorta tackled the issues around masculine and feminine identity. I sorta see the man as a neanderthal figure with a spear, something horribly violent, agressive and scary and it was suggested that this came from primal, listening to my dad ranting and screng around the house, stressed and letting it out on the rest of us, wanting to defend my mum against him but being told to keep out. We also looked at the fetish and fantasy elements of being regressed to toddlerhood, I currenly am unable to have this as no one to help me with it. It means a lot of helplessness, [more...] | ||
| 27 Nov 06 | thoughts on a enterprise | (27 Nov 06, 7:27 PM by bethy4ever) |
| I dunno, this is just an idea but has anyone heard of like babygirl clubs? I know ABC exists but that is so gay and full of fucking testosterone it sucks. I sort of have an idea of running one, calling it Playpen, Candy Store, Sugarfix or Fudge Puppies, a large room sized ball pool with adult slides and things, a dance floor with djs playing cheesy pop, rockabillie stuff and funky dancing tunes, having once a week glam tran night for the sissies, punishment corner for domestic discipline with hairbrushes and paddles to use but the main thing is shit hot security to keep out scum. I think it would [more...] | ||
| 26 Nov 06 | sorry | (26 Nov 06, 6:29 PM by bethy4ever) |
| I want to say sorry for everyone I have hurt while I've been talking about self harmi and stuff, I met Mark again today and he really, really, really taught me the lesson I needed, he's not sexually interested ad can't be a big brother or daddy or anything which is good as i have major man hangups but took me to his dad's abandoned caravan and beat me 30 times with a crop across the desk, bringing me to tears. I am hoping this lesson will stay with me and that, well maybe I can change. That's all I needed to say I think. | ||
| 25 Nov 06 | comfort zones and things | (25 Nov 06, 11:55 PM by bethy4ever) |
| I have a comfort zone that I regress back to, it's why I call myself 3 going on 26, no matter how hard I try to be adult people tell me I am much nicer and better at this. It's about security but also about helplessness, like being a helpless baby and not being allowed to talk adult. Maybe it's just a fetish game but maybe also it's like deeper, there's a whole security thing with being submissive for me, like having someone else make the decisions, the switch side to this is as well as needing a domestic discipline relationship i find myself being too independent and that's not cool, i'd rather [more...] | ||
| 3 Nov 06 | fantasies for Daddy | (3 Nov 06, 10:40 PM by bethy4ever) |
| The Cage It's iron barred and swings up high on a ceiling, I am pressed up against the bars naked, my breasts and privates on display so I can not hide anything, people are looking up at me, girls points and giggling, sick perverse men are rubbing their dicks but I know the men can not get close as you protect me. Every time I try to plead with you the cage is lowered down towards a boiling cauldron, you look up at me and whisper that I have to trust you, it is all about trust. Silently I wipe away a tear at my predicament then a girl steps forward from the crowd, she hands you money before approaching [more...] | ||
| 2 Nov 06 | a story I wrote | (2 Nov 06, 1:16 PM by bethy4ever) |
| Over the years she had been in the service of Master Dave bethany had learned many things about Him, and about herself. There were things that helped her to care for Him, to look after His needs in return for the love, enthusiasm and creativity He showed in playing with her, but only when He was willing, if she was not for a second interested in being with Him then He would find others to play with. The first games they played involved trust and boundaries, a contract that they both signed and agreed to that all play should be kept hushed from the prying eavesdroppers that lived near His house and [more...] | ||
| 31 Jul 06 | not a pain lover but.. (1) | (31 Jul 06, 11:30 PM by attica) |
| So I'm in a lot of pain and not the good sort of pain. Like what most people cal a level six pain is to me level 4. While I wa backpacking around the states I got sick with gall stones and they hadda fly me home, I'm not even supposed to be back in england for another week. The pain comes and goes and I think I can pretty much stand it, easier to bear than going into hospital and havng the surgery to sort it cos it's pressing against the appendix now. I really don't wanna have it, it's a deep thing about going into hospitals that they pretty much fuck with my head and leave me with messed up thoughts. [more...] | ||
| 23 Mar 06 | questions and thoughts (1) | (25 Mar 06, 7:29 PM by bethy4ever) |
| I suppose I'm having a little of dashed dreams. My sole objective for a long time is to care for the inner child, but maybe it became something of an obsession for me. So now I am looking at a new councilling course level 2 I wonder if I should continue with the innerchild or become a normal therapist who works with all the different groups. | ||
| 7 Dec 05 | wisdom and knowledge | (7 Dec 05, 10:31 PM by bethy4ever) |
| I guess what I think about tonight is friendship. How do you make friends? Is there some technique thatI don't know? I think it be little bethy who puts them off, shes real defensive and has to be totally sure of people before she can accept them as friends. Well I went to the Druids Head for a scotch n coke and chatted a fairly nice bar lad who was studying music at kington college, we talked indie and country music a bit and I said I'd gone to the same school as the Coral and was in the same class at primary as James Skelly (which incidentally is true)! It was going pretty well but he had other [more...] | ||
| 26 Feb 05 | the little angel writes (2) | (27 Feb 05, 6:42 PM by bethy4ever) |
| First thought: So what happened today? Saturdays are always quiet but I wouldn't want anything different. I lay in bed this morning reading another three chapters of the Countess. When I got up I went to my computer and tried to amend some of my writing. Perhaps writing a blog might actually help me practice my writing skills. I want to write for children, but also to write adults horror, romance and erotica. I tried writing films but somehow nothing ever seems to get completed. It is so hard to get to the end of a piece of work. I find it frustrating because I really want my children's picture [more...] | ||
| 30 Nov 03 | religious submission | (30 Nov 03, 11:52 AM by bethy4ever) |
| After a childhood of discovering how to discipline the mind in order to serve God I have still reached no solution. Therefore, I have looked at the question from different angles ranging from BDSM, paganism and meditation and what I think is needed is to take a tiny piece from every angle to include in serving God. In this essay I will examine how, and how not, we should be serving God. [more...] | ||
| 29 Nov 03 | ageplay a nd BDSM | (29 Nov 03, 5:22 PM by bethy4ever) |
| Discussing Ageplay [more...] | ||
