Is it time to raise the bar? (96)

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22 Jun 08, 9:17 PM
colper
13 mths

ScarletDominatrix wrote:
Is it time to raise the bar?
Given the amount of grief that we get as Pro-Dommes, from the crappy memos and insults to the out and out attacks on threads started by people so they can call us all prostitutes and tell us we charge too much, is it time we started to set an entry exam for subs?
Should we start with a couple of pages of psychometric testing to get rid of the loonies?
Maybe progressing onto a basic English test where we can see if they are capable of reading and understanding basic instructions?
Then perhaps a long exam where they not only have to tell us what they've experienced, but provide references that we can check to prove that they really have had fifty stokes of a dragon cane without screaming/fainting/puking before we strap them down and find out they've never even seen a cane before.
Does the entry bar need raising above the ability to pay tribute?
You wouldnt get any business.. or very little lol

29 Jun 08, 10:44 AM
lisal
5 yrs
d_s_electable wrote:
Personally, I'd never visit a pro-domme. And I am not bashing. I'll explain you why. Ds for me is something that can happen between two persons who have an understanding of bdsm and their partner's understanding. There should be a true match not influenced by money. Unless you give me a clear-voyant pro-domme I don't think this will happen in short session.
Then the other thing. Ds should be something special. How special is it if I am just one out of 10-20 per week?

Hi
It's good to see someone defining why they wouldn't see a pro domme rather than engage in the usual not thought through bashing
I can completely see where you are coming from. Pro dommes fulfil a number (quite a lot) of needs in male subs/bottoms but for someone like you who wants a specific sort of relationship (and is very clear about it) then it's not going to work
I would say, though, that it is perfectly possible to build up a D/s relationship with a pro domme over a period of time - not in a one off short session as you say. I've been seeing the same lady for an awful long time now and we understand BDSM and we understand each other. In fact she knows me better than I know myself BDSM wise!!! We have a D/s relationship. We see each other out of sessions as friends but whenever we are together she is in charge
It does feel special to me ...
I know it's not what you want. But for some of us seeing a pro domme is much more than being one of ten or twenty a week and seeing her in short sessions only (which is, I have to say, rather a stereotypical take on what a pro domme does)
Edited 29 Jun 08, 10:53 AM by lisal

29 Jun 08, 12:45 PM
Mistress_Susannah
UK(SE), 3 yrs
£ Y!
10-20? Blimey. I'd be dead of exhaustion if I did that. Think more like 5 (tops).
I will say again, as I've said before, some of the most intense, intimate, exciting, unbelievable sessions of mine haven't been with people I've been seeing in a lifestyle D/s relationship, they've been with people I've seen for the first time in a professional sense. Sometimes things just click!
http://www.mistresssusannah.co.uk

29 Jun 08, 1:29 PM
MistressLadyAnna
UK(BD), 2 yrs
£

d_s_electable wrote:
Personally, I'd never visit a pro-domme. And I am not bashing. I'll explain you why. Ds for me is something that can happen between two persons who have an understanding of bdsm and their partner's understanding. There should be a true match not influenced by money. Unless you give me a clear-voyant pro-domme I don't think this will happen in short session.

I concur with Mistress Susannah completely. If I have an understanding of BDSM and my brand new client has an understanding of BDSM why would our dirty cash-tainted play be any less meaningful or fulfilling than your 'true' play? Sometimes you do click. I have played with people and we have completely understood each other and I feel as though I have known them forever. This happens in lots of different areas in life - so why shouldn't it happen in a professional session?
You simply cannot underestimate the thrill of discovering a new mind and new body as you probe, and test and tease and look for the tell tale reactions that can be manipulated for further excitement and pleasure or pain.
As someone who doesn't see pro-dommes and has admitted that you don't respect most of them I fail to see how you can consider yourself to be any kind of authority on this matter, particularly when you have shown some stereotypical views of how we operate our businesses. 10-20 sessions indeed

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/
Edited 29 Jun 08, 1:31 PM by MistressLadyAnna

29 Jun 08, 5:29 PM
Jahc01
UK, 7 mths
£

Mistress_Susannah wrote:
I will say again, as I've said before, some of the most intense, intimate, exciting, unbelievable sessions of mine haven't been with people I've been seeing in a lifestyle D/s relationship, they've been with people I've seen for the first time in a professional sense. Sometimes things just click!
I completely agree, and to be honest, that aspect did come as something of a surprise. A very nice surprise. I was worried it would just feel like going through the motions, but instead you get some absolutely bloody amazing sessions sometimes where the dynamic is so clear you could cut the air with a knife.
I can, therefore, understand why some folk think it might be difficult to establish anything more than a superficial facimily of D/s in a session, or that all that can be achieved is s&m etc. I had my doubts, but even my limited experience of professional domination has shown me that you can cook up some very special, very real D/s dynamics. I think it is at least in part because both parties pour so much concentrated energy into it, and if the chemistry is right.....Blimey!!! I really didn't know you could go so far, so fast.
On occassion I have been bouncing off the walls so much I have nearly committed the ultimate betrayal of Guild rules and come close to giving the money back, close, I said. There's no rule against taking a client as a personal submissive though, or if there is, I done broke that one! In the time we were together, the D/s matured as it does with time, for sure, but it started and reached an amazingly profound level, right there in session. Fantastic.

29 Jun 08, 5:36 PM
Mistress_Susannah
UK(SE), 3 yrs
£ Y!
Yes - it was a rather wonderful surprise for me too. But my god, it can happen within two minutes of a session beginning.
http://www.mistresssusannah.co.uk

29 Jun 08, 9:23 PM
Jahc99
UK, 2 yrs

d_s_electable wrote:
I originally replied as I think it is rather arrogant to say the bar needs to be raised on one side.

You should try advertising as pro on IC. It is an education, believe me. The women are really complicated, and 99% of the blokes don't turn up. Wankers.

29 Jun 08, 9:34 PM
lisal
5 yrs
d_s_electable wrote:
That means still maintaining a "relation" with 10 persons. This would be as special and deep (also in mutual understanding) as the 1 Domme 1 sub case??? Even though there is less time and there are financial motives???

The answer is it can be.
It's not going to be the same as a "live in" D/s style relationship but, as I said earlier, it's very possible if you see the same pro domme over a considerable length of time to build up a strong, deep and special D/s relationship. Perhaps just as strong as a one on one D/s "lifestyle" relationshop where the couple don't see each other that often
As well, as the ladies and Jah99c articulated you can get something very special, very deep and very quickly in an intense session where you both hit it off
Different strokes for different folks. It's clearly not going to work for you and it's always going to depend on what the person is looking for but, believe me, you can get something pretty good out of it if you connect with the right person

30 Jun 08, 4:02 AM
Mistress_Susannah
UK(SE), 3 yrs
£ Y!

d_s_electable wrote:
10 per week is on average less than 2 a day. Not a high number. But let's assume 5, and let's be generous and assume each client visits twice per month. That means still maintaining a "relation" with 10 persons. This would be as special and deep (also in mutual understanding) as the 1 Domme 1 sub case??? Even though there is less time and there are financial motives???
For the record I don't think you're baiting either - but I do want to answer some of your points, 'cos I'm that kinda gal!
Not one of us is claiming that visiting a pro Domme is akin to having a D/s relationship. Of course they're different. What I will question though is the assumption that you can't get an intense and special session with someone you've never met before - I question this as I have this happen to me on a weekly basis. What happens within the vacuum of a session is often far more intense than my lifestyle play. Why? Well as Jahc has said, the two parties are completely focussed in on that point in time. I'm not thinking of reminding my boyfriend half way through that he needs to feed that cat or video Question Time. I'm concentrating on play and the dynamics of the scene - of course I do that in my lifestyle too (I'm being facetious with the cat feeding) but often knowing very little about a person can actually, I'm not sure, make things a little easier? You're simply concentrating on what happens in that space of time and giving it your absolute all. As lisal says (and he knows from experience) a longterm D/s relationship can develop on a pro basis - the money becomes insignificant....it simply allows it all to happen!
Obviously this sort of dynamic is not for you and of course I appreciate that. But don't forget that other people are different from you. Some submissives like to feel one of "many" - they get immense pleasure out of that. Some Dommes (like me) like to have "many" - probably one of the main reasons I do pro Domme....it simply facilitates the fact that I can see more people.
Oh, and twice monthly - that's very generous!
http://www.mistresssusannah.co.uk

30 Jun 08, 9:39 AM
MistressLadyAnna
UK(BD), 2 yrs
£

d_s_electable wrote:

MistressLadyAnna wrote:
As someone who doesn't see pro-dommes and has admitted that you don't respect most of them I fail to see how you can consider yourself to be any kind of authority on this matter, particularly when you have shown some stereotypical views of how we operate our businesses. 10-20 sessions indeed
Not having respect doesn't necessarily mean disrespecting. One can have a neutral position, which is the position I have in most cases. A position that fits with "not for me" (for reasons explained), but I don't judge others. That doesn't exclude that I have respect for a couple of pro-dommes, even though I would not make use of their services.
I do not see where I claim to be an authority on any of this.
10 per week is on average less than 2 a day. Not a high number. But let's assume 5, and let's be generous and assume each client visits twice per month. That means still maintaining a "relation" with 10 persons. This would be as special and deep (also in mutual understanding) as the 1 Domme 1 sub case??? Even though there is less time and there are financial motives???
I originally replied as I think it is rather arrogant to say the bar needs to be raised on one side.

You said this
I am a consultant, so I do understand your business.
which seemed to indicate to me that you were claiming some sort of authority on our business.
I have a different take on respect. I respect everyone unless they do or say something which causes me to lose respect.
The relationships that we have with our clients are many and varied. Some are not so deep, others are quite special for many different reasons. No pro is going to try and say that they have a special relationship with every client. Some clients stay as clients as they are passing through our lives, some clients become our subs or slaves and some become our friends. It is rather annoying that some of the lifestyle crowd claim a more special play relationship simply because there isn't any money involved. It makes no sense. Money is only a tiny component in the myriad of components that make up a successful play session.
The financial side of our business can add to or enhance our play. There is nothing wrong or dirty or meaningless about paying a professional for their time and experience. So what if we get paid? It doesn't mean our domination is any less, or any more sincere than anybody else's and likewise it doesn't mean that the client's submission is any less either.
It amazes me still that some lifestylers can be so fixated and judgemental about the fiscal side of pro-dommes. Being a pro means that I can play every day or all day with someone who appreciates my skills and persona so much that they are willing to pay. They value the skill, experience and toys that we have. They value the commitment and guts it takes to be a self-employed business woman. They also accept that to have a pro-domme available when they want means that we can't have regular jobs, therefore the fees are necessary to contribute to our lifestyle and our ever growing toy boxes.
Not everyone is lucky enough and has the time to seek out a lifestyle dom/me. Most clients prefer the fact that our play is a business arrangement. They know that we are professional enough to keep the relationship profession and therefore we won't intrude on their personal relationships. he fact that they are one of many means they have some safety and security. They come, we play, they go. We only know their first names, we don't know anything else, we can't threaten their 'other life'.
You have to understand that not all pro-dommes are only professional. A lot of us, most of us on this board actually, are lifestyle dommes. Not only do we play in clubs but we also play at home with our own personal submissives, with no financial reward. We have played with cash and without cash. Once you start playing the financial aspect is out of the window anyway because we are playing with a new body, a new mind and we're enjoying the exploration of the dynamic that a new person can bring. We are an authority on lifestyle relationships and we are an authority on professional play. We can compare and we can appreciate the differences and similarities.
I do wish people would remember that we are lifestyle too.

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/
Edited 30 Jun 08, 9:48 AM by MistressLadyAnna

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